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Spectator 2026-05-28

Spectator 2026-06-04

Crazy Socialist Mayor of Seattle Says Cars Not Allowed to Drive on ‘Trains-Only’ Train Tracks

As if Seattle’s crazed socialist mayor hadn’t oppressed the city’s car drivers enough already with new bus-only lanes for her Route 8 stretch limo, today Mayor Katie Wilson reminded everyone that “trains-only” train tracks are for trains only, not cars. “I have to admit I thought this was a self-evident, bipartisan issue, but in light […]

Sun-drunk Seattleite Accidentally Says ‘Hello’ to Stranger

In an embarrassing lapse of character, today a Seattle man who clearly had one too many hours out in the sunshine accidentally said “hello” to a complete stranger. “Out of nowhere, completely unprompted, this guy looks at another guy walking past him and fully said ‘hello’ with a wave and everything—clearly sun-drunk out of his […]

Blue Origin Goes Rogue, Blows Up Another Billionaire’s Launchpad in Seattle

For the second night in a row, the team behind Bezos-founded space rocket company Blue Origin has gone rogue by following up their explosion of one billionaire’s launchpad in Florida with the explosion of another billionaire’s Launchpad in Seattle also known as Mark Zuckerberg’s superyacht. “Wow, I really thought the orcas, Seafair Pirates, or Dave […]

Orcas Getting a Little Sick and Tired of Being Asked to Solve All Your Billionaire Problems

After yet another week of hearing humans ask them to sink billionaire yachts for them, today local orca pods announced they’re getting a little sick and tired of being asked all the time to do humans’ dirty work for them. “It’s always ‘Hey, take Zuck to Davy Jones Locker this, pop Peter Thiel a 100 […]

Spectator 2026-05-07

Spectator 2026-05-14

Spectaor 2026-05-21

Millionaires Tax Payers Assured They Only Need to Cut Back on Lattes to Afford Fifth Home

Future Millionaires Tax payers panicked about how they’re ever going to afford their fifth home if they have to one day pay a 9% tax on all annual income over $1 million were assured today that all they have to do is cut back on a few lattes. “I know times are hard, but just […]

Seattle Mayor Apologizes to Starbucks, Thought It Knew Everyone Here Hated Them Already

After weeks of Starbucks leadership telling every major newspaper in the country how mean Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson’s been to them by publicly not liking them, today she formally apologized saying she thought they knew everyone here including herself hated them already. “I’m so sorry—I honestly thought you already knew,” said Mayor Wilson. “If I […]

Bainbridge Island Adds ‘Everyone Is Welcome Here’ Sign to 90-Foot Wall Keeping Poors Out  

In a show of how much better they are than those awful people in Seattle’s Laurelhurst neighborhood, today Bainbridge Island added an “Everyone Is Welcome Here” sign to their 90-foot wall that keeps the poors out. “Unlike some neighorhoods out there that won’t welcome all children even if they’re severely ill or injured, we welcome […]